Kansas and Utah Secede from the Union

Rumors are brewing in Washington that the states of Kansas and Utah will be forced to secede from the United States and form their own country. As firm supporters of the most incompetent and dangerous president in American history, these two states are as much out of reality as their president, and so deserve special recognition as “rogue states,” injurious to the health and security of the United States. And the other 48 states have every right to protect themselves from such rogue elements.

Unfortunately, the two states do not border on each other. Colorado intervenes. This creates logistical problems. But much could be learned from the Palestinian existence in Israel. They too are geographically separated —in the West Bank and the Gaza Strip. Life is tough there. Checkpoints are a persistent hassle, but they get by.

Building a fence of razor wire around Kansas and Utah would be the first step. Their choice of country name would be up to them. I suggest something like Stupidstan. But then, Colorado is not the most foresighted state either, and they might wish to join Kansas and Utah in secession. This could reduce the amount of razor wire needed to contain the miscreants of these states and allow easy immigration between the three states. American citizens - the real ones-who enjoy skiing, for example in Colorado and Utah, would have visas of unlimited time. Stupidstan would almost certainly agree to this, for without it, the new country’s revenue would be severely limited. They are stupid, but not that stupid.

In Utah life is largely dictated by Mormons, as sick a bunch of humans as now walk the face of the earth. And in Kansas you have just plain dumb and stupid. Neither state contributes any value to the United States of America. But, there are good people everywhere, and these people should be given a chance to leave the two (or three) states and remain U.S. citizens. A one-year transition period would be reasonable while secession takes place. Those remaining would be the true Stupidstanians, dedicated to meaningless and mindless life, and safely isolated from the true United States of America. Federal funds should be allocated to those who have difficulties relocating.

Residents of Stupidstan would require passports to enter the United States, and as is typical of most countries, the passport would be good for a 30-day stay. Violations of immigration law should be stiff: Incarceration in immigration detention for a minimum of 30 days and revocation of passport for one year. Our crack airline security people would be put on special alert to enforce the passport law, and of course, be alert as ever, just as they were on 9/11/01.

There would be side benefits as well. Kansas Senator Pat Roberts would no longer be a U.S. citizen, and therefore , no longer chairman of the Senate Intelligence Committee, a disgraceful body, which under his leadership, has given George Bush a free pass to do as he pleases, including breaking whatever laws of the United States as he sees fit in his preeminent role of commander in chief in “time of war.” It’s appropriate, therefore, that the despicable Roberts be removed from the U.S. Senate. I am sure that with his political ties, he would have a good chance of being part of the new government of Stupidstan.

And then there is the other Kansas Senator, Sam Brownback, an Evangelical Christian politician, and who one journalist referred to as the “dumbest member of the U.S. Senate.” I’ll take the journalist’s word for that. Others argue that James Inhofe of Oklahoma is the dumbest. But I don’t want to get into that old argument — who was worse, Hitler or Stalin, Mao or George Bush? It’s a toss up. They are all freaks of nature.

America is in transition and is moving in new directions. Let this be the first major step to a new United States of America, one that treasures the genius of our founding fathers, and respects the millions who fought an died in WWII to preserve democracy from Nazism and Japanese Imperialism.

George Bush has in effect declared these ideas old and antiquated, and seeks a new world of American hegemony. After 235 years of American success in the world, based in large part on these simple constitutional principles along with simple decency and respect for others, we can’t allow this psychotic miscreant, George Bush, to turn us back into the Dark Ages.

Gerald S. Rellick, Ph.D., worked in aerospace industry for 22 years. He now teaches in the California Community College system. He can be reached at grellick@hotmail.com.